Celebrating Mother's Day When your Mom is Deceased
Mother's Day is a day that has been set aside to give special thanks to the Mother's in our lives. This is a joyous day for moms, children and husbands who look forward to making the special lady in their lives smile. But this joyous day can become a dreaded day when you have experienced the loss of your mother, the loss of a child, or the loss of your child's mother. While you have a reason to celebrate, there is this overwhelming feeling of pain as the loss is more present than the other days that you cope with not being able to see, talk to, hug, kiss and cherish your mother, child, or wife. I write this post today speaking from the point of view in which I have experience. My mother died from breast cancer complications a week after mother's day 2 years ago. This day for me is bittersweet but there still are more reasons to celebrate than not and I'll tell you why.
The Bitter
The obvious reason you don't want to "celebrate" is because you feel that because of your loss, it's no longer a celebratory moment.
As Mother's Day drew near, about two weeks out I began to dread it. I thought about how all the people who still had their mothers would be posting pictures on social media and how each photo would hit me like a ton of bricks. I decided that I would stay off social media the day before and Mother's Day to "protect" myself. I also found myself feeling very sad and lacked the umpf that I normally carry with me each day. Trivial things that didn't normally bother me, made me real upset and I was just on edge. I started to see people change their profile picture to the "mom" meme and it actually made me angry. Not angry at them, but angry that I no longer had my mom to do the same. It's funny how sometimes we can allow grief to take over us so bad that we think illogically. The reality is that even though I [you] lost my [your] mother, her memory lives on! The times we shared did happen and the love we shared is still alive!
The Sweet
Mother's are a special gift. The love of a mother cannot be duplicated or replaced and that's what we hold on to.
I decided stop looking at the glass as half empty and view it as half full. It was then that I noticed the mom meme was a Susan G. Komen meme and had the breast cancer logo. Well, how fitting. That IS MY meme, okay! Further, I was silly for thinking I couldn't post a picture of my mother and I just because she was no longer here. I politely pulled the cutest little picture of me and my beloved and made my meme! Here's the thing, as I said before, although she is now gone, she still was here and we shared beautiful times together and that is what I celebrate today. While I was finding it easy to be down and feel sorry for myself, I recalled my mom's battle with cancer. I lived in Dallas, TX while she lived in Carencro Louisiana. We spoke on the phone everyday several times a day and EACH TIME we spoke she was always up beat and positive. She didn't complain and never let on how much pain she was experiencing . She chose to be positive about her condition and wanted those around her to do the same. She raised me to be strong, kind, respectful, appreciative and to place my faith in God. All the behavior I was exhibiting went against those teachings. So, I thought to myself, how would she want me to behave on this day? How should I behave that exemplifies honor and glory to God?
My mother would want me to remember the good times. She would want me to celebrate her with a smile. To remember her with my actions. To keep her in my heart. To not be sad and stay in the bed. To not be angry because others still have their mothers. To cry only a little but tears of joy because she is in a place with no more suffering, pain or worry. To know that God makes no mistakes and that everything happens for a reason and her death too, was God's will. She would want me to go on making her proud and be a positive example to those in my reach. My love for my mother did not die with her body, but it lives on and that is why I can celebrate not just today, but everyday. My faith and belief in God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit gives me a peace beyond understanding and the courage to write this through my tears.
If you have lost your mother, today I empathize with you and I share your pain. If you have lost a chile or the mother of your child, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Think of your loved one today and remember the good times. Celebrate that undying love and keep your head held high. Do it for them.
Happy Mother's Day.
Dedicated to my mother who I'll love forever.