Overcoming Rejection

Rejection. No one enjoys it. You may have been rejected by someone you were seeking to date, a social group you were seeking to join, an employer you sought to work with, or a bank you sought to borrow money from. The list can go on and on. One certainty is its unavoidable that everyone will experience a form of rejection at some point in life. The game changer is what YOU do with it.

We don't often publicize rejections. In fact, we try hard to forget them and hope that others will, too. Think back on a time when you were rejected, how did it make you feel? How did you react? If we think back on those rejections, we can acknowledge that they have impacted some of our subsequent interactions. The question we must ask ourselves is whether our rejections have impacted our subsequent interactions positively or negatively?

It may take some time to think about it, but taking inventory can be very helpful. Make a 3 column list of times when you were rejected. In the first column catalog the rejections. In the second, how you responded. Lastly, list in the third column how you reacted in similar situations after the rejections. Notice any patterns? Maybe you have handled rejection well. You might be looking at your list and thinking; "Wow, I handled rejection pretty badly." Maybe you don't know what it all means. Don't worry, I have compiled 4 tips on how you can overcome rejection in the future. Let's take a look:

Don't let anger, disappointment or hurt overcome you.

Our initial reaction to rejection may be anger, disappointment or hurt. We are initially upset because we think highly of ourselves. "How can they say no to ME?" After you have cried about it, move past the anger, the disappointment and the hurt. Often times, the rejection is a blessing. Perhaps you weren't supposed date that person because they weren't the spouse God beautifully and wonderfully made for you. Perhaps you didn't get that job because you would have been overworked and over stressed.  There can be many reasons, none of which you can be sure. Being angry and reacting physically or with vengeance doesn't make you feel better. It doesn't make you a more attractive mate, job candidate or borrower. If anger is given the green light to fester, it creates a pattern for how we respond when things don't go our way. How many of you know or are that "bitter" person? Bitterness comes from unaddressed anger, disappointment or hurt that realizes as a character trait. It then becomes our excuse to sin against others, against ourselves, against God. Whoa. 

Don't let rejection freeze you in a state of fear. 

Sometimes after the anger, disappointment and hurt, we move to the "flight" portion of Cannon's "flight or flight". We run away from the issue physically or mentally and we allow it to hold us captive in fear. "I'm never putting myself out like that again." "That will be the last time I open up my heart." "That's why I don't apply for jobs, there's no point". " Well, they won't lend me money so I'm just gonna run up my credit and not pay the bill." "What's the use of trying if nobody cares?" These reactions are easy and many are sinful. Rejection is hard, and painful. We think we are protecting ourselves by deciding not to try again but we are actually inhibiting our own growth and missing the lesson that we were meant to learn. All because we are afraid. We can not allow ourselves to be frozen in fear of being rejected again, but instead learn something from the experience. 

Exam yourself and learn from the Experience.  

Think about what it is you were rejected from. Why did you want it? Why did you want it so badly? Have you placed that "thing" on a pedestal so high that it borders idolatry? Learning from the experience is the one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Don't let the hurt and pain be in vain. Get something from that rejection! Because we think highly of ourselves, we don't want to consider that we bore any responsibility. In some cases we may own some responsibility and in others there is absolutely nothing we could have done to avoid the experience. So how do we reconcile that? 

We learn by taking an honest inventory of the situation. What part did you play? What could you have done differently? What could you have refrained from doing? What did you miss? Did you make any assumptions? What are the facts? How will you engage in similar situations going forward? Is this a type of situation you should seek going forward? How can you sharpen your skills to be prepared in the future? While you can never fully prepare yourself for what the future will bring, you can always learn something from each experience along the way. Importantly, you can rest in knowing that God's will is sovereign and however cliche it might sound, what's for you is for you.

Try Again.  

After you have inventoried the situation and verified it's not motivated by sin, try again. Trying again is probably the most important step of all. When you try again, you are not held captive by the anger from a previous rejection, you have moved past the fear of putting yourself out there again and hopefully, you've learned something useful that can be applied to the new experience. Its a cycle. Keep the stages moving and remember; rejection is inevitable. No one likes being rejected, but everyone will have the humbling experience and sometimes there's nothing you can do to avoid it. However, rejection can be handled with grace and it can be overcome. How have you handled rejection? Share your experiences in the comment section below. We would love to hear from you!